Tag: identity crisis

WM > > SAHM > > WM

Published on by strongcupoftLeave a comment

I’ve always been a very busy person. Like I discussed here, I have always had a career and that was always very important to me. Then I became a mom and my priorities changed. I still enjoyed working and I could manage being a pretty decent Working Mom (WM), I just didn’t want to spend as many hours doing it.

When we moved to Dushanbe I found myself in the position of not having to work. Not only could I not get a job (hiring freeze) but financially, for the first time EVER, we did not have to rely on a second salary to survive.

And so I gladly accepted the position of Stay At Home Mom (SAHM). Let me tell you that this job is no walk in the park. Entertaining a Little Love for that many hours every day is hard work! But I loved it. I loved our routine and I loved having adventures and play dates and learning things together.

I probably worked more hours per day than I ever have in my life and had to be more focused and attentive to my “client’s” needs than ever before but it was definitely the most rewarding job I could ever have asked for.

When the US Government lifted their hiring freeze I threw my applications in hoping to get a part time position so that I could get out of the house and have grown-up conversations again, but also so that I could also keep some of my precious hours at home with Little Love.

Of course, as fate would have it, I was offered a full-time job in the real world. I really struggled with my decision of whether I should take on this challenge. I was so racked with mom guilt that the when I received the phone call with my start date I cried,
sad tears, for hours.

I debated (with myself) for many hours. Wondering if taking the job was the right thing to do. Would Little Love resent me when she was older because I worked outside of the home? Both my parents had full time jobs when I was little and I turned out OK. I don’t have any harboring hard feelings towards my parents because our housekeeper picked me up from school and made sure I did my homework. In fact that special lady became part of our family and I am forever grateful for the things she taught me.

So I took the job. I started on Little Love’s second birthday (oh boy did that elicit even more mom guilt!). We found a wonderful playgroup to keep her entertained each morning and a very caring nanny to take care of her in the afternoon.

And she’s OK. And I’m OK.

She loves her school and the friends that she’s made. She’s learning Russian, playing games and singing songs. Aziza is her new best friend and she welcomes me home very day with smiles, laughs and “Mummy! Mummy! Mummy!”

I’m using my brain, my skills and my experience. I’m enjoying being my own person and eating lunch without trying to coax a toddler to eat too.

I consider myself very lucky to have been given the opportunity to be a SAHM for 6 months and I am thankful for the support I received with my decision to go back to work.23231426_10155172925527877_6042871362319264525_n

Who Is This Person?

Published on by strongcupoft6 Comments

I feel like I’ve always defined myself by what I was doing or what career path I took. As a child I was a dancer, then I was a horse-rider. Then I found my career in Public Relations and loved every second of it. I was constantly planning and attending awesome events. My events could be spotted in the social pages every other month and I felt that my career was something to be proud of.

Then I fell in love, which prompted the universe to tell me to pack up my life and move to a new country… twice. I will never forget my boss at the time asking me if this guy was really worth giving up my career for (Of course my answer was yes and here we sit 9 years later).

I had always considered myself a career woman. Work was first, and babies would come later. It was very important for me to establish myself and climb that proverbial ladder. This turned out harder for me as I had to make a complete career shift a couple of times and constantly felt like I had to start over again, thereby pushing my baby timeline further and further away. I had very strong opinions about the fact that the third bedroom in our new house was NOT a baby’s room, but an office for myself.

I always knew that children would be a big part of my future but career was also a very important part of who I was and what I was striving for. I was one of those people who was always willing and happy to work late into the night and a large part of my many jobs was working 7 days a week, 24 hours a day.

I was constantly trying to “plan” the best time for us to start trying to have kids. Looking at calendars and working things out as if there is a science to how long it would take to get off birth control and get pregnant. Then planning the gestation time and when I would be back at work. I was soon brought to my senses and told that there IS NO GOOD TIME and that there is no true way to manage this process and it’s just something you have to either do or not do… So I did.

And here I now sit, trying to climb that ladder in yet another brand new field. Except now I have a baby, a family, I’m a mom. I’m torn between feeling the need to be a powerful and successful career woman and wanting to stay at home and cuddle my Little Love all day long.

I never thought I would even consider being a stay-at-home-mom and yet now the idea is oddly appealing to me. Luckily I cannot afford to quit my job so the decision doesn’t actually fall into my hands but it’s a strange feeling trying to get to know this new version of myself. This person who turns down happy hours and exciting events to get home at a reasonable hour to bath the baby and put her to bed.

Who is this person who turned her home office into the most adorable nursery?

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