** Disclaimer – this post by no means reflects my political views or lack thereof. I am not politically minded. I generally avoid talking about politics and for the most part don’t understand most of what people are talking about. **
As the rest of the country (and probably world) sits glued to their various media outlets, I am in my bed, watching Parenthood and feeling somewhat sad.
This is my first election as a US Citizen. I now have the right and duty to vote and I had to dig deep to actually find the motivation to make my mark and pretend to stand behind one of two people. Neither of whom I particularly like.
I feel like I should be excited for this moment. I should be posting pictures of voting with my family. But I’m not. I’m not excited to see the outcome. I’m anxious.
Growing up in a country that has seen more division than any other, this current US election makes me nervous. I feel it goes beyond Democrat vs Republican and I am already seeing a split between people who love each other based on their vote. It is for this reason that I choose not to disclose or discuss who I voted for.
This country will be forever changed tomorrow. Either way. Someone will win and someone will lose. I just hope that everyone can understand that “it’s just politics” and remember that we are all family no matter whether we bleed red or blue.
Little Love showing off her new headband
These last couple of weeks have opened my eyes and twisted my heart strings in so many ways.
I’m sorry for getting deep here – prepare for tears…
It started when a family that I know only through an online support community lost their sweet little boy after a very long and brave fight with cancer. Even though I personally did not know their Little Love, his passing affected me in a way that I couldn’t explain. I wished that there was something that I or anyone could do to ease their pain and turn back time. I marveled at their strength during this time of immense grief and how much love this wonderful and happy child had around him through his short life and how even his very young siblings cherished every moment with him.
Then as if the universe knew that we needed a positivity boost, on Wednesday when the Husband, Little Love and I went to Chipotle for dinner (I know… Romantic), we went to pay we were told that the lady in front of us in line had paid for our meal and had said to, “Have a Wonderful Day”. This small gesture by a stranger brought tears to my eyes and I wish that I could personally thank that wonderful woman.
Lastly, on Thursday I spent a couple of hours at Johns Hopkins Children’s Hospital with some of the team from work and Jess Ekstrom of Headbands of Hope. We met some wonderful children and parents while handing out headbands that were made by UA teammates. Seeing the strength of these children was something special. Faced with some huge challenges ahead, they are all smiles and muster up the most amazing energy to have conversations with us grown-ups who just stop by for a few minutes in their very long days. It’s not something that most people would consider major but it is heartwarming to see that even something as small as a headband can bring so much joy to a child and in turn to their family.
I look at these children and these families and then I come home and give my Little Love the biggest hug. I am so blessed to have a happy, healthy baby but in the back of my head I live in constant terror that one day the strength of myself and my family may be tested as we face our own scary situation. I know that many parents suffer from the nagging thoughts of impending doom. It’s why we sneak into our baby’s rooms in the middle of the night and listen for those glorious breaths and grunts or lie awake at night staring at the baby monitor watching every little twitch. It’s why we triple check the car seat, baby proof our houses like prison guards and clean, wipe and sterilize everything to the point of no return.
I know that parents are crazy… ok fine… I know that I’m crazy… but as much as I try to control the world, I know that there are many challenges coming our way and as much as I would like to keep Little Love tucked away in a sterile and perfectly safe bubble I know that the big wide world is a terrifying but exciting place that she will love to explore. And I can’t wait to watch her grow and dominate at this thing called life.
** Headbands of Hope – www.headbandsofhope.com – For every headband sold, one is donated to a child with cancer. To date, Headbands of Hope has donated to every hospital in the US.
Little Love showing off her new headband from http://www.headbandsofhope.com
It’s been a little while since I’ve posted. Truth be told I have a few pieces written and saved on my computer but I’m having trouble pushing the publish button.
Since getting back into blogging I’ve had such wonderful feedback from friends and strangers alike and everyone’s been so encouraging, but for some reason I am once again doubting myself and my boundaries. I know… who knew I had boundaries!?!
My whole goal for starting this blog was to put forward complete open and honest conversation about things that I’m going through in life. But that does mean opening up and being somewhat vulnerable. Some of my planned topics are very raw and do contain somewhat graphic mental images about myself and my life.
So I guess the point of this quick post is to tell myself to suck it up and keep writing; to hold myself accountable to continue to do something that I enjoy.
OK I feel better now… thanks for listening!